Even following these tips, you probably still won't get eaten by a great white shark.

According to the SF Weekly, Dr. John McCosker of the California Academy of Sciences included a tongue-in-cheek list of suggestions on how to be eaten by a white shark during his April 29th presentation, “Sharks: Why We Love, Fear, and Need Them.”

The overall theme of the presentation was one of shark conservation. However, McCosker apparently attempted to add some comedic elements to the talk with his tips on how to increase one’s odds for being involved in a white shark attack. His tips included…

• making yourself look like a natural food source of the white shark by wearing a wetsuit and floundering a top a short surfboard
• going swimming in areas in known white shark aggregation and feeding areas
• diving for abalone around the Farallon Islands (also a known aggregation spot for large white sharks)

While McCosker’s tips were likely an attempt to keep the audience’s interest piqued. None of them are really a surefire bet to cause a white shark attack, much less result in being “eaten” by a white shark. Even the abalone diver scenario at the Farallones isn’t a guarantee for a shark attack, as can be seen in the video below featuring Ron Elliott’s famous sea urchin diving among the white sharks there.