The Dorsal Fin

Just a friendly reminder…If you have the hankering for a shark-themed B-movie, SyFy’s “Swamp Shark”, starring D.B. Sweeney and Kristy Swanson, premieres tomorrow night at 9pm ET/PT.

Director Griff Furst told Fangoria that “Swamp Shark” is more than just a shark movie, it’s a “PSA for irresponsible youths.” Furst say that the movie will teach viewers not to participate in activities such as underage drinking and premarital sex.

While I’m sure Furst’s intention to education today’s youth are sincere, I’m guessing you’ll probably want to put the kids to bed before “Shark Swamp.” If not, don’t come complaining when you’re kids are afraid to go swimming on your next family vacation to the swamp.

SyFy’s “Sharktopus” premieres tomorrow (September 25) at 9PM EDT. The plot is centered around a bio-engineered half-shark, half-octopus creature that wreaks havoc at a Mexico beach. I know that you’re probably thinking with a cheesy plot like that, why would anybody want to watch “Sharktopus?” Well, did I mention that Eric Roberts is in it?

Based on the trailer above, viewers can expect to be treated to amazing computer generated effects that rival the graphics of video games from the late 1990s. The only things that appear more fake than the actual creature effects are a vast majority of the boobs shown throughout the trailer.

In order to find more cheese than one should expect to find in “Sharktopus,” a trip to Wisconsin would likely be in order. With scenes including a battle between the sharktopus and a great white shark, I have little doubt that “Sharktopus” will go down in history as one of the best shark-octopus hybrid movies of all time…and one of the worst shark-octopus hybrid movies of all time.

SyFy appears to have a new entry in its lineup of shark-related B-movies. Swamp Shark looks to follow in the footstep of a other SyFy “greats” like Sharktopus and DinoShark. The plot of Swamp Shark seems to revolve around a mutated shark spoiling “Gator Fest” by eating all the gators and several bathers. Despite warnings about the “swamp shark,” Mayor Vaughn…oops, I mean Sheriff Watson tries to avoid a panic by ignoring the problem in order not to lose potential revenue from the festival. Hmm, the plot sounds vaguely familiar.

Swamp Shark features film veterans Robert Davi and Kristy Swanson. Those who grew up in the 80s might recognize Davi as The Goonies villain, Jake Fratelli, and Die Hard’s Special Agent Johnson (who was of no relation to Die Hard’s other Special Agent Johnson).

Swanson is no stranger to the horror genre with films like Mr. Boogedy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Deadly Friend on her resume. Swanson’s character in Deadly Friend is behind the infamous “basketball scene” which also features the actress who played Mama Fratelli in The Goonies. Of course, none of this really has anything to do with sharks.

Swamp Shark will premiere next summer (2011) on SyFy.

It seems that Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, and Dinoshark have a new contender in the battle for best/worst giant shark movie, with the addition of SyFy’s upcoming Sharktopus. Check out the trailer above for all the cheesy goodness (alright, “goodness” might be a bit of a stretch).

Sharktopus stars Eric Roberts of…err, Eric Roberts fame (hey, he actually did have a role in The Dark Knight) and is produced by B-movie legend Roger Corman (who actually appeared in Dinoshark in an acting capacity).

SyFy Channel will be unleashing what is sure to be a top-contender for Best Picture at next year’s Academy Awards. That’s right, DINOSHARK debuts tonight at 9pm on SyFy. Based on the preview, it looks like it could possibly hang with both Shark Attack 3: Megalodon and Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus in terms of cheesy effects and horrible acting.

Apparently, Dinoshark has been frozen in a glacier in Antarctica. However, it comes back to life after a piece of the glacier breaks off, allowing Dinoshark to thaw out and swim to a sunny beach in Mexico for Spring Break (consider me jealous of Dinoshark). So basically, you’ve got a cross between a shark and a dinosaur on Spring Break in Mexico. How could this movie possibly go wrong?

Oh, and did I mention that Dinoshark can apparently fly? Admittedly, it looks like Dinoshark doesn’t have quite the hang time that Mega Shark possesses, though.